2014 was a year of “not much”.
Whenever someone asked me what I was up to. It was not much. Nothing really. Same old same old.
It was a shit year of broken self promises.
But, to be fair, that’s nothing new.
I turned 31 yesterday. I remember wanting to write and develop games when I was 18.
Have I? Eh… kind of.
I have my moments, my spurts of genius. Those creative days where I feel like a true artist at what I do. But those days became less common in 2014, for a couple of reasons.
One was the loss of a good friend. Now I don’t mean he died or anything. But he left my daily life through some unforeseen actions. He was a brilliant driving force for creativity. A wall to bounce ideas off of, and just a general person I could talk to about anything. We dug the same things, and it’s good to have a person like that around. But that changed a little over a year ago and I haven’t really recovered from it.
2014 was a top year for my two demons. Depression and Procrastination. The amount of shit you can see on the internet with sites like Reddit and Tumblr (and uh.. 4chan) is stupid. Every second I wasn’t on those sites I wanted to be on them, just to see what I missed. Some useless video or image about a current event made into a Sean Bean meme.
And when I wasn’t furiously racing to see the latest crap, I was in such a funk I didn’t want to see or do anything. I sunk low, really low. Managing to pull myself together enough to put on a brave face at work.
I want 2015 to be a fresh start. Like the drunk who quits alcohol as his new year resolution my odds are stacked against me, but I’d rather be trying than just giving up straight away. I want to grab 2015 by the face, and the balls, and the spleen, and make it love me.